BRBcoffee

Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Let’s talk about love!

I was always taught that boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, then forget the world.

That’s not true! I know that it isn’t true, and yet I still can’t help but think it. Right now, I’m accounted for, but that doesn’t mean that I expect to marry the fellow, or that I expect for us to live happily ever after. It doesn’t work like that!

What are some misconceptions of love, you may ask? Here are a few. People my age and of my generation are under the impression that the right person will meet all of our needs. We, in this case being the ladies of this generation, are looking for a man to sweep us away, take away all our problems, and be the only thing we need in the world. That is not and never will be the case. Expecting for a man to be almost omniscient, all-knowing, all-compassionate, love-machine. It wont happen. That’s too much for one man, too much for one person. The only way for us to be happy with another person—or even by ourselves—is if we rely on more than one person, and especially ourselves. We need to be willing to take responsibility for our own happiness, for our own actions, for our own well-being.
To continue, we are under the impression that we can change other people. We are under the impression that we can transform them from an irresponsible, relationship fearing mess to a family guy. That doesn’t happen. There is one person that you can change, and guess who that is? Yourself. Thomas a Kempis said, “Be not angry that you cannot make another as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
Next, we think that love is a feeling. We think that those butterflies in our stomach are because of love. That the initial and absolute bliss that we feel around someone else is because we are in love. Not true! It is temporary and will go away! Love isn’t a feeling, it’s action. It is doing something for someone you care about—whether it be not talking smack or letting that person borrow your history notes. Love isn’t those butterflies, it isn’t that bliss, it is something so much more supreme, so much more satisfying.
Finally, we’re under the opinion that if it is true love, we don’t have to work for it. We’re under the impression that if it is supposed to work out, it will. That isn’t the case. Love is compromise, love is argument, love is everything. It’s more than just the picnics and paddle boats. It is the time together and the time apart; it is the walks in the forest and the distant phone calls; it is the happy times and the sad times. Love is complex, and we are under the impression that it is the most simple thing in the world!

Now, above it sounds like I am supporting the idea that there is the “one and only” someone. That isn’t the case. All people are loveable. I could conceivably, and I’m sure as happily as can be expected, live the rest of my life with any man I know. It’s about where he is, where I am, and the chance of our meeting. I could get married to the fellow I’m seeing right now, or I could get married to that guy I nod at in the hallway. There isn’t a predestined man that I will fall for. There isn’t a person that I am supposed to marry. There’s a chance.
We always look at others and at chance as if nothing else could happen, as if this is the only way for it to work out. That’s never the case! It is luck. There is good in everyone. If I marry a fellow and love him with all of my heart and he dies, guess what? I can marry another! Will that make either of the relationships not matter as much? No. They’d both be meaningful. Love is love is love.
Do I agree with polygamy? Not particularly. But I am fond of the idea to love as many people as possible as much as possible.

Eh, I guess my point is that I DON’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS (or perhaps I do… I don’t know!) But it’s late and I meant to do my history homework and I didn’t because I’m stupid. So. Have a delightful day.

I love you!

Love,
Elizabeth <3

Alright.

I figure its time to follow up my previous, some have called it emo, blog entry, with a philosophical one. Hokay. So.

Currently, I am not sure where I am or where I want to be. I am not really certain of anything that can be of any use. I have recently been thinking about my past, in particular certain areas. Fleeting dreams of perfect romance that I for a moment had and subsequently lost, ideas of academia and saving the world that got changed too many times to count and so on and so forth.

In my future I do not know what I see. My current plan is to move to Stavanger this summer, get my masters degree and become a teacher. Maybe do a year abroad. I once wanted to be a policeman. Then i grew up, and for a while my plan was 1. go to the military, 2. go to the police academy. This changed.

There is a theory that there exists an infinite number of parallel universes separated from our own, with all the different possibilities our life could take. I like this theory because in one of them I might have achieved what I always wanted. Who knows, maybe I will. Hopefully.

Vegard

While this seems to be love-week here on BRBcoffee, I have recently discovered a conspiracy that I simply must write about. It’s a matter of my own safety, for I fear that if this conspiracy goes unnoticed, I might die! If enough people know about it, the conspirators will either be too afraid to strike again, or at least when they succeed I will have left behind enough information that the guilty ones will easily be identified and taken care of.

I started suspecting that there was a conspiracy only yesterday, but there is evidence that it has gone on for much longer than that. The first thing that made me suspicious was the comments right here, on this blog! They’re using my own tools to conspire against me! Ghasp! If you look carefully, you’ll find that there are direct promises of violence against me under one blog post, and with that premise, other comments can be interpreted to be hidden threats. For instance “Something good might happen to the American people!” is obviously referring to my impending death.

As you can see, the conspirators are none other than my own handpicked co-authors! I can only speculate as to what their motives are, but one thing is certain, they have been at it, and recruiting co-conspirators, for a very long time! That picture is published on facebook, and in the comments section there are three more people who express glee at my passing.

It gets worse. I have reason to believe that they have direct access to my food-supply. As I was enjoying a moment of silence in my otherwise hectic day, and eating a dinner which I had most meticulously concocted, my own food tried to kill me. Had I not had water handy, as I always do, for situations just like this one, my food would have succeeded. The assault cannot have lasted longer than 20 seconds, but they were some of the longest seconds of my life! How they managed to inspire such mutiny in my food I do not know, but from now on I shall always be on guard, and always chew thoroughly.

In other news, I’ve recently revived my Linux partition, and am thinking about giving it a revamp. Any ideas?

So I must be going through a rough patch as of recent, because I am just having a terrible time with everything. My mood swings from happy to sad, my attitude changes in an instant. I go from nice to bitch in under three seconds (a new record!) and I have no idea why.
It’s probably stress, but I don’t believe in stress! I’m taking three AP tests in two weeks that will determine how much I have to pay for college along with my SAT on May 1st which will hopefully get me good scholarships. I’m in eight clubs, I try to assist the community, I try to keep good grades, and I try to still be a friend. Instead of excelling in one thing, I am failing in all. I’m not doing well in my classes, I’m not being a good friend, I’m not going to do well on the SAT, and I don’t assist the community as much as I used to.
I hate myself and everything that happens to me. I hate that I fall; I hate that I get angry about things; I hate that I hate myself. I have had such low self-esteem as of recent that I’ve been having these terrible nightmares about the people around me hating me, shunning me, despising me. I cannot get that out of my head. I feel like everyone is annoyed by me. I feel like I am failing everyone, especially myself.
I had dreams. I wanted to be something. I had a drive. I never expected for myself to turn out like this. I never expected that I would be a seventeen year old girl on the verge of tears over my chemistry grade, or unable to go places because I don’t have the money. I never wanted to be this person. I wanted to be the first in my class, I wanted to go to a college out of state, I wanted to be successful and have the makings of a happy life. Guess what? That hasn’t happened.
I think the thing I hate most is that I don’t read. I never thought I would be that person—the guy who is too busy to read. I never thought it would take me weeks to read the Grapes of Wrath. I never would have even dreamed that I would only read four books in four months. I’ve become as literate as the freshmen in my Spanish class, able yet unwilling to read.
What drives this seemingly sudden hate? Probably some rather alarming news about my grandmother, who officially can’t live independently. The last visit I had last weekend was the last time she would ever recognize me as her granddaughter, because her mind is gone now. She’s confused; she’s old. The decadence of the mind leads to many thought stimulating questions, and uncovers many insecurities.
What do I want to do with my life? Where can I go? What can I be? Will I be happy? Will it be worth it? Will I grow old? Will I die next week? Will this life be worth it? Should I spend time worrying about money, or should I focus on that happiness? Should I want a family, or success? Should my focus be on happy children or a happy me? Where is the line and how do I find it?
These insecurities make me hate myself even more. I hate that I don’t know who I am. I hate that I wont ever know who I am until I’m old and decrepit, and once I finally figure it out I lose it all. Is it worth it?

On the bright side, here’s a quote from my favorite book: “There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.”
The Count of Monte Cristo
I’m pretty miserable right now… so maybe soon I’ll be pretty happy! It’s a comparison!

I still love you, even if I don’t love myself!
Elizabeth <3

The things I appreciate in this world:

1.The beauty around me, whether it be people or places. Everything is beautiful.

2.Babies. (Especially Riley and Shelby and Harding!)

3.Good sentences. No matter if they are complex or simple, sentences are amazing.

4.My parents. They provide for me (for now) and will hopefully always support me (though I’m cut off financially in twelve months!)

5.My siblings. They’re my best friends and always have been. We have a relationship like no other family I know.

6.Douche bag Christians. Who else would I argue with?

7.Republicans. Who else would I argue with?

8.Watches.

9.This here energy powering my computer and refrigerator and lights!

10.My darling friends who don’t hate me and don’t make me feel like crap every day.

11.Not being mauled by bears.

12.Bears.

13.Ann Coulter.

14.The United Nations (good job on this peace, guys!)

15.The makers of South Park. I wouldn’t send them death threats for making fun of my Jesus!

16.Tea. I love tea.

17.Halloween costumes.

18.Metal. (The music and the hard stuff!)

19.Microwaves.

20.Cell phones!

21.Socialism.

22.Darwinism.

23.Social Darwinism.

24.AP History/AP Chemistry/AP English

25.Not being dumber than fuck.

26.Cursing.

27.Attractive men.

28.Unattractive men.

29.Mildly attractive men.

30.Not being an extremist!

31.Everyone who isn’t an extremist!

32.Grandaddy. He’s a good fellow.

33.Grandmother Burney. Even though she’s completely lost her mind and can’t remember anything and occasionally gets naked without realizing it, she’s still the nicest person I know.

34.Funny people.

35.People who will laugh at anything.

36.The person who made up the joke “What did the Leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!” (ISN’T THAT FUNNY?)

37.J Kade.

38.Karl Marx. Good man, good man.

39.threadless.com

40.People who speak coherently.

41.Parents who DON’T do everything for their kids.

42.College kids who don’t live with their parents.

43.Cock-blockers

44.The phrase “cock-block”

45.The Roman empire.

46.The Vatican. (How else can we waste our money?)

47.Not-ridiculously-skinny people.

48.Interracial babies. (They’re the cutest!)

49.Using my mind occasionally!

50.You!

I think this was a fitting blog with no real importance. Thanks for reading (or not), in the meantime, let’s figure out how to keep me from trying to have a baby in high school! (OHMYGOD THEY’RE SO CUTE!)

Love you (and especially babies!!),

Elizabeth <3