Posts Tagged ‘college’

Due to college-related stress, I had a nervous breakdown about 10 minutes ago. The first thing I did was call my mom, hoping to get a sympathetic ear- long story short, she’s not exactly a sensitive soul. The next person I tried was my sister- no answer on the telephone. So, my last resort: a big slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top. “Ahh, finally the solace I need,” I thought to myself as I devoured the first bite. Immediately, my tears stopped and my nerves settled. As I went in for my second bite, a thought occured to me…put down the pie, and pick up the laptop. Yes! BRBcoffee would be the perfect place to vent my frustrations to the general Norwegian/West Virginian universe in a way that didn’t go straight to my chin(s). The pie is still next to me, but I have not touched it since I opened this web page.

And now, onto why I came to BRBcoffee in the first place: to vent!

Back story:
I am a student transferring from my 2-year Community College to a 4-year University- more specifically Eastern Washington University. I graduated from said Community College this past summer and decided to take a quarter off in order to give myself plenty of time to transfer to EWU.

Current reason why I am stressed:
Eastern took waaaaay longer than promised to review my transcript, accept me as a student, and allow me to declare a major (something I have yet to be able to do). I was finally scheduled for an appointment today with the department head, but got a call that she was not going to be in after all. Well, the woman who I was talking to decided she would help me register for classes over the phone- she suggested Statistics (which was full but she would open a seat for me), a stress management class (also full), and an online class as my only options. I went along with it but mentioned to her that I was pretty sure I didn’t need a Stats class for what I was going into. Turns out, I had been directed to the completely wrong department. All the work I had gone through this past month with calling people, trying to get appointments set up, encountering endless road bumps- all a complete waste of time, and now there is a very small likelihood that I will be able to get into any classes.

Core of the issue: If I don’t get into Eastern by this following quarter, I am going to feel like a failure. My father will be disappointed in me, but more importantly- I will be disappointed in me. I often fear that I am doing nothing productive with my life and that I, basically, suck. College, however, was my small salvation. Though it was a terrible process for me on some days, I forced myself to go and do well in order to say, “I’m not a complete waste of skin.” It made my family proud of me and made me feel less guilty for living a privileged life. Now that I think about it, most of my self-identity was centered around school. Sad, I know, but not being able to go to school just seems completely devastating. I could try and fail to get a job, I guess, but I just don’t feel like it’d be worth it.

Maybe it’s a problem solely with me, or maybe it’s a problem with the fucked-up system known as America. All I know is that I’m not very happy. At least right now, I’m not. I don’t like that feeling of stomach-churning anxiety (which inevitably leads to diarrhea- TMI?) everytime I do anything. I don’t know, maybe I need help.

There is one thing I know for sure, I need to get this off my chest:

FUCK YOU, COLLEGE!!!

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Ello!

Found this entry piled among my drafts, and I thought I’d finally publish it. This is the story of why I am studying towards becoming a teacher:

It pretty much goes back to a teacher I had in physics back in high school. Physics was not a subject I did well in. I got Ds every test. But for some reason, instead of helping me, this teacher hated me. He hated me ridiculously much, it seemed.

After every test, he would say this in front of the entire class: “Vegard, your test results are too low! Do you not understand the subject? If you need help, you can come ask me!”. That is fucking humiliating to go through after every test, in front of everybody!

That’s not all of it of course, because every time I was at school, the teacher seemed angry, and only went through what he had to then sat at his desk with his papers the rest of the class. But I heard from my friends in the class that when I wasn’t at school, he was happy and told stories, and it was awesome being there. So i felt like if I showed up in class, I would ruin it for the entire class!

That year, I only had absence from school Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Those were my physics days. When I woke up, the thought of meeting this man made my stomach turn!

I made a vow, never should any student have to go through what I went through. So I am becoming a teacher, because if I can keep even one class from having a teacher like that by having me instead, I will deem it a success!

Ole Jan, fuck you!

Vegard

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Alright.

I suppose i have to start blogging again, since i used the horridly overcomplicated bullshit system that is Tumblr. Since brbcoffee has had somewhat of a makeover since last time, with the addition of other writers, i will dedicate myself to this venue in its entirety. Congratulations.

On to business, yes? I am gonig to make this short. I just got a note in the mail saying i have been called in to serve in the norwegian army. Here in norway men are obliged to serve if seemed physically and mentally fit by the army (because fuck equality, men HAVE to, women don’t). Anyways, i had my session-test-thing like 3 years ago, they told me my vision was too poor so i wouldn’t get called in. Since then my vision has degraded even more, so now i get called in. Yay. I don’t really care, i am not going. I am using my master as an excuse, as you can here in norway, to get it delayed. If they in 4.5 years still want me in i am using my practical-pedagogical studies to delay it further.

If they still insist on calling me in, after i am most likely blind without my contacts on, i will refuse and take civile duty. Because i refuse to be part of the hypocritical bullshit army that is the Norwegian one. Its generals going to Thailand to fuck street hookers for my tax money, its rules clearly making a distinction between men and women, not to speak of the blatant fucking indoctrination of its privates so that everyone that comes out loves the war in Afghanistan. I will do no such thing.

Fuck the government, fuck the army, and fuck capitalism. Obviously. Until next time,

Vegard

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