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Tonight is an amazing night! Not only is there a lunar eclipse taking place, it is also the Winter Solstice! Does that not blow your mind? Well maybe the outfit I wore whilst standing out in the street viewing the eclipse a few moments ago will:
Oh yeah, that’s a plaid fleece night shirt with snow boots and an over-sized jacket. It’s called being sexy.
Apparently this type of celestial event last occurred some 400 years ago, therefore I do declare it a magical happening. Of course, it’s so cloudy here in my neck of the woods that even seeing the moon was nearly impossible, but sure enough I caught a glimpse and therefore can claim to have seen the 2010 lunar eclipse. Take that, bitches!
On a side note, isn’t it great when you’re closer with people on Facebook than you ever have been and ever will be in real life? Ahh, it makes me laugh.
Nighty night!
[poll id=”33″]
Middle School/Junior High.
Need I say more?
I’m pretty sure it’s the most awkward segment of life- for everyone. Seriously, you’re either too fat or too skinny, full of acne, you wear the most hideous clothes (usually because of peer pressure), your hair is a downright atrocity- and the worst part of all is that, at the time, you have no idea just how painful it will be for your future self to look back at pictures of you.
As for myself, I think I got hit by a freight truck of the aforementioned awkwardness. I was chubby, had braces, had frizzy hair that I simply could not and would not wear correctly, wore sweatshirts all the time along with “skater” shoes because my friend said they were the only cool shoes to wear, was obsessed with Eminem and Lord of the Rings, and best of all…I got my period. Umm…let me tell you, abso-friggin-lutely NOTHING is worse than bleeding through at school. It truly is one of my most horrifying memories: standing up from the lunch table, feeling something very strange going on in the seat of my pants and a girl from a grade above me running over to say, “Oh my God! You must have started your period!” I’m fairly certain my face was as red as the blood gushing from my vagine! Ohhhh……it was a terrible time. Terrible, terrible time.
On that note (you are probably weeping right now at the graphicness of the above imagery and also at how pathetic I was), it’s good to know that we all change. As a matter of fact, I’m still changing and hoping that someday soon I shall finally come into my glorious own. It’s not fun being 10 years younger than your closest sibling and having that sibling be one of the most beautiful women ever, but I’m holding onto the fact that when she is 45 and developing deep wrinkles, I shall only be 35 and living it up! Muwahaha! Sorry Noni, I love you, but I’m a jealous biotch.
[poll id=”32″]
“Baby, It’s Cold Outside-” A great Christmas tune with even greater lyrics. At first glance it seems like a cute little duet about a guy trying to convince his lady friend to stay with him despite the girl’s fears that her demure reputation might be spoiled. However, if you really listen to the song, you’ll realize that the dude is a god damned creeper who is trying to roofie the poor girl so he can have his way with her AND he even fantasizes about her death!
Here’s a link to the video of my personal favorite variation (best part= 2:56): I really can’t stay…
Not only is this song creepy (yet enjoyable) on its own merit, imagine your mom and sister singing it at karaoke………………………………………yep.
Mom: “My sister will be suspicious.”
Sister: “Gosh, your lips look delicious.”
Me: This is fucked up…
‘Tis what I had to endure last year with my very own mother and sister. It was hilariously awkward, but also allowed me a good look at the lyrics which then prompted this revelation of mine about the song’s true meaning.
Still, I love the song. It’s a great duet, easy to sing along to, and always makes me laugh to the point of nearly wetting myself. Could you ask for more than that? I think not.
[poll id=”30″]
Howdy folkadillos.
I have some non-important news! Well, non-important to you, but ALL important to me. As some of you may know, I gave up my precious, beloved coffee some time ago (about 6+ months?). My reasons were as follows: I was addicted and didn’t want to be, it contained unnecessary calories that my chub-a-wub simply didn’t need, and it stained my teeth. Well well well, thanks to my dental appointment yesterday, I can cross one of those reasons off the list. Turns out, the coffee was never staining my teeth…it was the diabolical mouthwash I’ve been using for the past 2-3 years!
Fuckin' Crest
If you’re a fellow user of Crest Pro-Health, worry not! It probably isn’t staining your teeth, it just does that to a small minority of people and I happen to be one of them.
So here’s the dilemma: do I go back to coffee? I mean, we parted ways over 6 months ago and it was a bit of a nasty break-up. Two of my reasons for leaving the cheating bastard (woah, I’m getting way too into this) still hold true…but I miss him. I miss his rich, deeply satisfying liquid…..Ok, I’m done now. But seriously, what do you think I should do?
[poll id=”29″]
P.S.- Look forward to my up and coming blog about the amazing fucked-up-ness of the Christmas song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” (unless I forget to post it).
You know how most people think of themselves as uglier than they really are? Well, I think I suffer from the opposite syndrome. I think I’m cute [enough] in real-life and whatnot, but then I’ll see a picture of myself and the only words that come to mind are, “What the fuck?”
Exhibit A:
First of all, I'm the one on the right next to my gorgeous sister. Second of all, yes- I am smoking an invisible doobie.
Here’s the thing, I honestly do not believe I am as fat nor as manly as that picture makes me look. But then again, they do say that a picture never lies…and judging by the fact that I haven’t been truly hit on in, oh, 20 years, I’m beginning to wonder if this is the real me? No no, that’s just depressing.
Maybe I suffer from the lesser-known syndrome of never, ever, being able to take a halfway-decent photo. That would explain it all! Except for the not-having-been-hit-on thing, but that’s beside the point. As Vegard once said, Americans just don’t know awesome when they see it!
And I'm pure awesome! Right?
[poll id=”27″]