Archive for the ‘Life’ Category
“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.”
-William Dement
As you may have surmised from my earlier writings, I am somewhat of a strange soul. Nothing reflects this better than my dreams; a bizarre collection of things which would probably frighten a small child and will undoubtedly leave you, the reader, feeling confused and possibly violated. On that note, enjoy!
A dream I had recently involved myself, Chris Cornell, and a mechanical bull. Take a moment, let it sink in. Okay okay, it’s not as weird as it sounds…actually yes it is. The dream started in my kitchen, with me watching myself through a mirror. All of a sudden, I was riding a mechanical bull, right there in my kitchen! I was wearing a cowboy hat, yes, but most importantly, I had a six-pack that was pretty ridiculous. Out of nowhere, Chris Cornell- the singer from Soundgarden, Audioslave, etc.- shows up in my kitchen while I’m still riding the bull, and he starts singing. Why the devil was Chris Cornell in my dream?! He’s a great singer of course, but I have no special affiliation with him. Anyways, when he was done singing and I was done riding, I decided I desperately needed to make some toast. I put the bread in the toaster, then looked in while it was toasting and discovered, to my surprise, that my toast was wearing a wig! This didn’t concern me, however, for I was only worried that the wig would interfere with my toast toasting properly. Luckily, the toast came out a perfect golden brown and I enjoyed it immensely. That’s the end of my dream.
Pretty much like that.
Analyze that, Freud.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my future, and nothing gives me insecurity like it.
Soon, I will be filling out the applications, making the plans, trying my hardest to get the money, and I will be going to college. Where will I be going to college? I have no idea.
What will I be studying? I have no idea.
What should I do with my life? Is college where I belong?
Maybe it would be better for me to find a sugar daddy, get married, have kids, and try to be happy. Or maybe I should be an individual, an old spinster, a bachelorette who lives with her cats. Maybe I need to have an amazing job that is very demanding, or perhaps I would be more happy working as a barista at Starbucks. Maybe I should switch around, constantly changes jobs, changing careers, changing my mind sets like I do now.
My question is, should I go to college until I have a plan? Is it worth it? Should I go into thousands upon thousands of dollars into debt trying for a career that I wont like very much, or should I just take each day in, not trying for a plan or an option?
If I do decide to go to college, should I take the easy, cheap route, such as Concord, or should I spread out and go to a college in another state? Can I afford either one? Are they worth it?
I don’t know! With each rising decision is another chance for me to fail, for me to make the wrong choice, for me to regret it and suffer for the rest of my life.
A bunch of people in my grade already know exactly what is happening. They’re going to go to WVU and become doctors and will not stray from that. They are going to be dentists, nurses, 4-H extension agents, archaeologists, or physicists. No matter where I turn, others my age and a lot younger than me already have a plan. Where’s my plan?
My biggest fear is making a mistake now that will effect the rest of my life. How do I know what is the right choice?
Herro!
Alright, so I’m gonna make another entry now. One that isn’t all depressed and mopey. Sorry about that.
So i just returned from Stavanger. I went down there to look for apartments, but only one apartment actually agreed to meet with me. Lucky as I was, its a pretty big place, 60 square metres to be exact, and its quite cheap. I signed the rent contract, and was off. I got to visit Outland in Stavanger, a nerdstore like nothing else, and I think that in my 5 minute visit, in which I bought a book (A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin) and a Magic the Gathering booster, I made a nerdy friend. I don’t have enough of those.
So, the morning of my return journey, I overslept. Not by long, my train was supposed to leave at 06.03, I awoke at 06.11. Which sucked balls. So I had to cash out big moneys for a plain ticket to Oslo, but no worries, I caught up with my train there. I also got to chill at my partys office and have lunch with those people, which was fun.
Then I took an 18 hour train journey, in which i exsperienced lovely views, people snoring, hot women talking to me, and other things. I got home about an hour ago, and I just got an SMS from my boss saying I don’t need to come in to work today. Awesome!
Alright, I just have to share this. When was on the plane, i fell asleep almost instantly (still at the ground). I slept through most of the trip, but awoke by the captain saying its time to land and shit. I woke up, my eyes pretty much looking straight ouf of the window. There was no clouds, so i looked straight down on the ground. I was beyond scared and confused. Then, after looking around scared for a second, i felt very silly, because the woman sitting next to me was quite attractive and gave me a look like “wtf dude”.
Vegard
Missionaries. *shakes head disapprovingly* I do not understand them.
First of all, I somewhat hate people who think their beliefs are the only correct ones and therefore have the audacity to try and “fix” or force down their beliefs into the throats of those who are different. It is so absolutely arrogant that it disgusts me. Christian missionaries are, in my opinion, by far the worst when it comes to such nonsense.
Let’s look at the classic example of white man vs. Native American. Back in the day, European settlers came to America and ran into the believed-to-be lesser race of people known as Native Americans/”Indians.” These people did not worship the one Christian God nor had they ever heard of, let alone believed in, Jesus Christ. Well well, the Euro’s thought, they must be savages! They believed that God is everything and everything is God; they worshiped the very ground they walked upon; how beastly! Unlike their haughty Christian counterparts, the Native Americans didn’t lay waste to any- and every-thing that came across their paths in the name of Christ. So what happened? The Native Americans were slaughtered, herded like cattle, and/or forcefully converted to Christianity by the so-called true Christians. Decades of degradation, poverty, and a lack of human rights ensued and we now find ourselves coming full-circle. Missionaries are now being sent to the utterly poor and crime-riddled Indian Reservations in order to do “God’s work” by helping to ease such conditions which, if we actually think about it, are in existence today because of the very same missionary work started a couple of centuries ago. Bravo, Christianity, bravo!
I just don’t get how that makes sense to anyone, but sure enough- there are still hundreds of thousands of missionaries at work around the world. In no way am I saying that being a Christian is bad or that Christian beliefs are the wrong beliefs. What I am saying is that we all should be made more aware of the hypocrisy which often comes along with dogmatic beliefs- not just in Christianity but in religions and other groups worldwide. It is so dangerous to lose the value of open-mindedness, as is evident by so many things in history- holy wars, ethnic cleansing, witch hunts, etc.
Though I do not expect such a thing to happen, I do hope that a day will come when the human race can get past that natural tendency of putting one’s own way of life on a pedestal and looking down upon all others who do not share in that path.
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche
What causes depression?
I don’t know anymore.
Everyone has good days and bad days. Days where everything is bright and blooming, where the sun shines and you can’t help but smile at people as you walk past them, no matter how weird that makes them look at you. And the other kind, the days where nothing really matters, everything sucks, everyone you meet are boring and annoying, and you would rather just go home, turn off the lights and listen to depressing music.
Lately, I’ve been having more and more of the latter. At some point in my past, there was a resembelence of logic as to my mood, it would be relevant to things that had happened. Lately, theres nothing to it. I just feel at the bottom of the barrel no matter what I do. It seems like what is keeping me from being this down, is simply the energy it takes me to pretend to be fine. Days like this, where I have barely gotten any sleep and am really tired, I simply do not have it in me to smile and pretend.
I am clinging to the idea that moving to Stavanger will fix everything. Somehow make me happier, make things better. I just don’t know any more.
And how pathetic is that? I live in Norway, one of the best countries in the world. I have had everything handed to me on a silver platter, a nice balanced childhood, a rich life in every way. Maybe human beings thrive under the perssure of failure, and living in the socialdemocratic lullabyland of Norway is damaging.
Vegard