What causes depression?
I don’t know anymore.
Everyone has good days and bad days. Days where everything is bright and blooming, where the sun shines and you can’t help but smile at people as you walk past them, no matter how weird that makes them look at you. And the other kind, the days where nothing really matters, everything sucks, everyone you meet are boring and annoying, and you would rather just go home, turn off the lights and listen to depressing music.
Lately, I’ve been having more and more of the latter. At some point in my past, there was a resembelence of logic as to my mood, it would be relevant to things that had happened. Lately, theres nothing to it. I just feel at the bottom of the barrel no matter what I do. It seems like what is keeping me from being this down, is simply the energy it takes me to pretend to be fine. Days like this, where I have barely gotten any sleep and am really tired, I simply do not have it in me to smile and pretend.
I am clinging to the idea that moving to Stavanger will fix everything. Somehow make me happier, make things better. I just don’t know any more.
And how pathetic is that? I live in Norway, one of the best countries in the world. I have had everything handed to me on a silver platter, a nice balanced childhood, a rich life in every way. Maybe human beings thrive under the perssure of failure, and living in the socialdemocratic lullabyland of Norway is damaging.
Vegard
