Posts Tagged ‘wells fargo’
I’m terribly sorry, my optimistic environmentalist friends, to inform you all that Earth Hour is absolutely useless. Now you are probably thinking that I’m some right-wing conservative, yelling about how CO2 isn’t pollution or some shit, or that I’m gonna pull a Carlin and say that the planet is just fine, and that we’re the ones that are fucked. While that last statement is true, I’m an optimist like you, and I believe that we can unfuck ourselves, if we just get our heads out of our asses and start acting.
So what does that make me? I’m an environmentalist, an optimist, and a socialist, so I should be all for this awesome Earth Hour thing, right? Wrong! It is wrong because I made the mistake of following the advice to question everything, and I didn’t like the answers I found very much. There are some pretty uncool things going on with Earth Hour, things that most of you might not know about, but you will after you’ve read this blag.
So first, let’s look at what big players are participating in the event. There’s Coca-Cola of course, not the most environmentally friendly of the bunch, charged with depleting the ground-water in India. Then there’s HSBC, the extremely green bank, which of course has an entire division devoted to oil and gas investments. Pretty much exactly the same can be said about Wells Fargo. Are you starting to see the first issue here?
Pictured: Assholes
Rich douchebaggy corporations use Earth Hour to appear “greener” without actually doing anything to help the environment. The CEOs know, of course, that being massive douchebags in the dark is just as profitable as being huge dicks in the light, and if they can boost their public opinion by doing it too, well shit, Christmas came early… Again.
Next, let’s look at the glaring logical whole in the whole thing: Earth Hour doesn’t actually fix anything! I feel tempted to say that it doesn’t accomplish anything, but that would be a fallacy. It does make us feel like we’re doing something for the world, like we are in some small manner taking part of something greater than ourselves. As we all have seen throughout history, there is nothing quite as dangerous as mass suggestion. In this case I don’t think there’s any risk of a genocide or anything, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be wary of disaster. While the CO2 is getting ready to sneak up on us and force it’s giant metaphysical penis up our collective sphincter, mankind will be busy flipping light-switches.
We’re not very good at this…
And now for the solution. The first part is really easy to fix, WWF simply needs to ban bad corporations, political movements, etc. from “participating.” Now WWF obviously can’t stop these people from turning off their lights every once in a while, and even if they could, that would be a ridiculous thing to do. However what they can do is not allow them to be front figures, and just don’t give them any undeserved credit. This will restore Earth Hour’s credibility. The second part is more tricky, as it is kind of a fundamental flaw. How do you fix a broken basis? Well this is where I apparently contradict myself by saying that I don’t think the second part necessarily needs fixing!
Earth Hour does one thing well, and that is reminding everyone that things aren’t exactly going so well for us right now, and the more such reminders we get, the more likely it is that we get tired of the nagging and get off our lazy asses and do something about it! For instance we could veer to the political left, start switching off oil-rigs instead of lightbulbs, start implementing existing filtering technology at existing refineries, and research alternative energy-sources. You know, certified douche-free stuff.
I think I might have stumbled upon something genius in that last sentence. I think the new world policy should simply be to act like douchebags all the time. But that’s crazy-talk! As if there could be such a thing as a douche-free world, why, what an amusing joke. Lol socialism, am I right?
Fuck yeah!
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Song of the blog: Fireflies
