BRBcoffee

Author Archive

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future, and nothing gives me insecurity like it.

Soon, I will be filling out the applications, making the plans, trying my hardest to get the money, and I will be going to college. Where will I be going to college? I have no idea.
What will I be studying? I have no idea.

What should I do with my life? Is college where I belong?

Maybe it would be better for me to find a sugar daddy, get married, have kids, and try to be happy. Or maybe I should be an individual, an old spinster, a bachelorette who lives with her cats. Maybe I need to have an amazing job that is very demanding, or perhaps I would be more happy working as a barista at Starbucks. Maybe I should switch around, constantly changes jobs, changing careers, changing my mind sets like I do now.

My question is, should I go to college until I have a plan? Is it worth it? Should I go into thousands upon thousands of dollars into debt trying for a career that I wont like very much, or should I just take each day in, not trying for a plan or an option?

If I do decide to go to college, should I take the easy, cheap route, such as Concord, or should I spread out and go to a college in another state? Can I afford either one? Are they worth it?

I don’t know! With each rising decision is another chance for me to fail, for me to make the wrong choice, for me to regret it and suffer for the rest of my life.

A bunch of people in my grade already know exactly what is happening. They’re going to go to WVU and become doctors and will not stray from that. They are going to be dentists, nurses, 4-H extension agents, archaeologists, or physicists. No matter where I turn, others my age and a lot younger than me already have a plan. Where’s my plan?

My biggest fear is making a mistake now that will effect the rest of my life. How do I know what is the right choice?

Herro!

Alright, so I’m gonna make another entry now. One that isn’t all depressed and mopey. Sorry about that.

So i just returned from Stavanger. I went down there to look for apartments, but only one apartment actually agreed to meet with me. Lucky as I was, its a pretty big place, 60 square metres to be exact, and its quite cheap. I signed the rent contract, and was off. I got to visit Outland in Stavanger, a nerdstore like nothing else, and I think that in my 5 minute visit, in which I bought a book (A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin) and a Magic the Gathering booster, I made a nerdy friend. I don’t have enough of those.

So, the morning of my return journey, I overslept. Not by long, my train was supposed to leave at 06.03, I awoke at 06.11. Which sucked balls. So I had to cash out big moneys for a plain ticket to Oslo, but no worries, I caught up with my train there. I also got to chill at my partys office and have lunch with those people, which was fun.

Then I took an 18 hour train journey, in which i exsperienced lovely views, people snoring, hot women talking to me, and other things. I got home about an hour ago, and I just got an SMS from my boss saying I don’t need to come in to work today. Awesome!

Alright, I just have to share this. When was on the plane, i fell asleep almost instantly (still at the ground). I slept through most of the trip, but awoke by the captain saying its time to land and shit. I woke up, my eyes pretty much looking straight ouf of the window. There was no clouds, so i looked straight down on the ground. I was beyond scared and confused. Then, after looking around scared for a second, i felt very silly, because the woman sitting next to me was quite attractive and gave me a look like “wtf dude”.

Vegard

What causes depression?

I don’t know anymore.

Everyone has good days and bad days. Days where everything is bright and blooming, where the sun shines and you can’t help but smile at people as you walk past them, no matter how weird that makes them look at you. And the other kind, the days where nothing really matters, everything sucks, everyone you meet are boring and annoying, and you would rather just go home, turn off the lights and listen to depressing music.

Lately, I’ve been having more and more of the latter. At some point in my past, there was a resembelence of logic as to my mood, it would be relevant to things that had happened. Lately, theres nothing to it. I just feel at the bottom of the barrel no matter what I do. It seems like what is keeping me from being this down, is simply the energy it takes me to pretend to be fine. Days like this, where I have barely gotten any sleep and am really tired, I simply do not have it in me to smile and pretend.

I am clinging to the idea that moving to Stavanger will fix everything. Somehow make me happier, make things better. I just don’t know any more.

And how pathetic is that? I live in Norway, one of the best countries in the world. I have had everything handed to me on a silver platter, a nice balanced childhood, a rich life in every way. Maybe human beings thrive under the perssure of failure, and living in the socialdemocratic lullabyland of Norway is damaging.

Vegard

People of the internet!

I come to you in this gravest of days. The Norwegian news-agency Dagbladet just alerted me, this womans dog has been stolen!! Apparently, some burglars broke into the home of the people watching her dog, and stole it! She was on vacation, and it is now ruined by the loss of her poor, clothes-wearing puppy who is probably being kept in a cage somewhere!

For those of you that can’t read Norwegian, the news article states that the police have found DNA-evidence on the crime scene. Thank god, those inhumane bastards need to be caught!

Alright, seriousface. What the fuck? I don’t know what infuriates me the most about this! So a beautiful, big breasted blonde has her dog stolen, and she gets a huge news article about it (which on the front page had a larger picture and font than most other articles)? Alright, I can almost live with that. But from the article, I read that the police has recovered DNA-evidence from the crime scene. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Rapists and murderers are walking free because DNA technology has not been used, but HOLD YOUR HORSES, HOLD THE PHONE, HOLD YOUR BOAT! This is the sort of crime where the criminals HAVE to be apprehended!!!

This is absolute bullshit. What about the fact that 1 out of 10 women get raped or attempted raped in Norway at some point in their life, and 2% of all rapists are ever caught? What about the fact that as few as 10% of murderes in this country are actually solved? How about spending some tax money on THAT, in stead of a missing fucking DOG??

Norway, you dissapoint me.

Vegard

So, It’s been a little while since I’ve contributed. I’ve been working on this on and off for a little while, (mostly as just thoughts and notes so forgive me if it is a little disorganized) and I figured I would share with you lovely people. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately. I’ve discovered more things about myself in the past 6 months than I think I ever have. I feel more in control than I have before also. But I’m not going to be speaking about me, it’s about something more.

Each and every one of us, whither we believe in God or not, have two things that connect us. That bind us. The first is love. The second is suffering. Ultimately these two are connected also. Not one of us is capable of escaping them. We can try, and we can come close, but even if we escape one for a moment, the other takes us hostage.

There is no escape from suffering when it comes to love. And no love without suffering. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart is sure to ache, and possibly even break. The only way to keep your heart safe is to give it to no one and nothing. You must lock it up and hide it away. To love is to suffer, and to not do so eventually results in damnation. You shouldn’t avoid love for fear of suffering though. Its better to remove all armor, take all risks, and be reckless in love. For pain is much better than to feel nothing at all.

There is something else we all have in common. We live in a world that is desperately seeking a reason, a purpose, a meaning for living. Our nation was even founded with the right to pursuit happiness. I think it’s important that it was worded as such. Happiness is actually easy to come by but hard to grasp. By that, I mean that happiness is something that happens, not something you can reach out and take.

There is a lot to the statement that once you reach the top there’s nothing there. Have any of you heard that? It basically means the enjoyment, the challenge, the beauty of life itself is in the climb to the peak. There is not much at the destination but the footprints following you back through your life. The destination is the end, the destination is death

The way I think of life is a huge open area of land. Your accomplishments and goals in life are marked by small hills. Gradually the hills increase in size. And off in the distance is your mountain. The mountain marks the biggest part of your life, your purpose. You want your highest aspiration to be the peak of that mountain. The more impossible the goal the better. Because once you reach that peak… there’s nothing but the view and then the descent back down…

Now, I know I’m not very old, but the more I grow as a person the more I’m coming to realize the purpose of life. For me, that path leads through knowledge, wisdom, love, and honesty. For you, it may be something else entirely. But those are the things that, to me, I yearn for and always want more of. I want to be wise. I want to learn as much as I possibly can while I live. I want to have a love like in stories and movies (Silly I know lol). And I want it to all to be honest, real, worth it, earned… Now I know I might not obtain all of those to the extend that I would like. But that’s what I want out of life. Life is so short, and at the same time long. There is so much to gain and lose, so much to give and take. There is so much to experience in life. What do you want to experience the most out of life? Can’t think of just one? How about the top 5 or 10 things you want to experience out of life above all the rest?

Look, if through reading all this, (Which I really appreciate if you read it all :] ) you don’t take much away from it…. at least take this. Find someone, something, anything… in this world or otherwise. Once you find it, Love it with everything you have. Love it till you can’t love anymore. It seems to me the question that can’t seem to be answered (What is the purpose of life?), should only have an answer that can’t be explain; love.