I hate menstruation.
There is honestly nothing pleasant about it, besides the fact that it means you are still capable of reproduction. Cramps that feel like you ate a seemingly dead chupacabra that came back to life in your lower intestine, unbelievable headaches, retention of water AKA you look and feel fat, tender breasticles, heightened emotions, having to wear a freakin’ diaper and/or shoving a dry tube of cotton up your piche….I tell you, men have it easy.
I think periods are kind of like little forebodings of what it’s like to be pregnant. Which makes me think, do I ever want to get pregnant? Ehh. But now that we’re on the topic of pregnancy, I heard an interesting story about this man who got these two worm-like parasites in his testicles and had to get them removed via surgery. His wife told him, “Now you know what it’s like to give birth.” This seemed absurd at first, but then it kind of made sense. I mean, babies start in the ovaries (female testicles) and the size of hole they have to come out is not dissimilar to a worm coming out of a man’s ball/penis. Am I wrong, here? I think not.
Anyway, I look forward to the distant day when menopause greets me and takes both my fertility and my monthly hell from me. I shall not weep for my lost eggs- no, I shall celebrate with champagne and a ritual burning of “sanitary napkins.” Until that day, I bleed.
Ciao!
