So Kim Jung Il is trying to get attention again. Oddly, he always tries the same thing at a slightly larger scale when he wants this, thinking that if he can just get the pitch right, the girls will surely fall for his daring whistle. So they decided to put a satellite in orbit, and the world gets piss-scared because he’s an insane communist bastard, right? Hardly a communist at all, but if that’s what he calls himself then I guess you just have to respect the man enough to at least grant him that title, as he does, after all, lead a country.
So it’s launch day, and the entire world trembles! What on earth might this satellite be? Is it the end? Have they gotten some new ultimate weapon capable of destroying us all before we can arm our warheads and blow them off the very pages of history? No, of course not, they don’t talk to anyone outside North Korea, so there’s no way they could have the knowledge necessary, and indeed they have proven that it is so. They couldn’t even successfully put the thing in orbit, falling a few steps short of world domination, and both the rocket and satellite are now drifting somewhere in the Pacific. So what would have happened had the satellite made it?
We would all be doomed to have praise mp3s to Kim Jung Il and his dad streamed through us at all times, wirelessly! Oh woe! What a terrible fate! How would we ever be able to cope? World domination indeed, he would be everywhere! I’m not entirely sure I’d be able to live with myself knowing what was in the air. I can see him sitting there with his launch button, sniggering, thinking dirty thought involving rockets and tentacles. As he pressed the large red button, he probably screamed maniacally; “TAKE THAT, OBAMA! WHO’S THE FOUR-EYES NOW?? NOT SO TALL NOW, ARE YOU?” And then he proceeded to laugh a wheezing and most evil laugh, while his advisors stood by, rolling their eyes at each others.
Honestly, why does the world even care what this guy does? You can’t really do anything about him, seeing as China is on his side, so all you can do is wait for his death. He won’t do anything if you ignore him besides sulk. If you look at him, he gets excited and starts acting up. His country desperately needs attention if it is to survive, and he needs the west to be scared of him if he is to get any supplies without lifting the blockade. Ignore him and he starves, and in the end he’ll come crawling, as opposed to now, when we all grovel in front of his tiny and most unintimidating figure. Just look at the guy. His face just screams “I had no friends in school so now I’m getting my revenge on you all!” He just needs a hug, but he won’t let anyone touch him, so what can you do?
Again a link to a norwegian news article here regarding the launch here
Song of the Blog: Power Trip Ballad
Sincerely
Bjørn
