Okay, so unless you really love corny clichés and less than good acting, do NOT, under ANY circumstances let yourself be subjected to Dragon Wars. I don’t care how much of a hardcore wapanese/korean fanboy/geek/whatever you are, this movie is just terrible!
When I was halfway done watching it, the player said something along the lines of “skipping destroyed data” or whatever, and I had half a mind to just stop in the middle of the movie rather than fix the problem, and in hindsight I wish I had. This explains why it wasn’t in any theaters… The music is ok, I’ll give it that. The idea sounds good enough, Dragons are destroying cities, sounds like something I’d enjoy to death, but alas, terrible acting and gaps in the plot/logic of the movie destroys any hope.
The first cgi rendered scene in the movie, where it really gets the chance to stun me back into liking this movie, looks like something I could make in Windows Movie Maker, honestly. The rest of them aren’t that bad really, but the first one kind of ruined it anyways…
And the names they’ve chosen, man, come on! The good and bad Imoogis? Imoogi? For fuck’s sake! That sounds like a cute little fluffy thing from Final Fantasy! What was the evil dragon’s name again, oh wait, right, IT’S NOT EVEN A FUCKING DRAGON! It’s a serpent that has the chance of becoming a “celestial dragon from Heaven”, whatever the Hell that means. These apparently come about every 500 years or so, along with, bah, I’m not even gonna explain the story, it’s too shitty… Celestia Dragons of Heaven? As far as I know, there’s only been one, and Samael sort of lost a LONG effing time ago… IMOOGIS! Damn! It amazes me how easy it is to make money if you’ve already got it nowadays…
There’s this one scene where Sarah Daniels walks out of a bar, and is about to be sexually molested by three dudes who appear to be mutes or neanderthals, when The Old Dude, the warrior from Heaven, walks into the scene from nowhere, with his back bent into a ridiculous parody of being imposing and scary, beats the dudes around, and then walks of looking exactly like he did when he entered… It might be worth mentioning that none of the surrounding scenes have any relevance to the plot either, no, they’re just dead time with more terrible acting and fewer moogles.
And why the HELL did they include that totally useless zoo guard? Never in my life have I seen a less relevant character in a story! And when Ethan (the prota(rd)gonist) just pulls Sarah’s picture out of 2700 and says “That’s her! That’s the one!” About a woman he has never seen before in his entire life! He mentions the birthdate, which she is bound to share with a bunch of girls in there, and it never says that the date had to be some exact date to begin with! The whole thing sounds like one of my rants to myself, where nothing needs explaining because I already know myself pretty well, and the scriptwriter just forgot that everyone else doesn’t.
This here is getting very long and very pointless, because I stated the most important point in the very beginning, DO NOT GET THIS MOVIE! NO! Do NOT!!
Song of the Blog: Mosh.
Sincerely
Bjørn
